When Logic Gets in the Way of Feeling

Why Thinking Can Silence Feeling and what to do about it

We’re taught to value quick thinking, rational planning, and objectivity and those skills matter. But when we spend too much time in our heads, we risk losing touch with our hearts. Instead of feeling our emotions, we explain them away, or overanalyze them because they seem messy or inconvenient.

This section explores why thinking can silence feeling, how to spot it, and simple ways to let emotions speak first while keeping the clarity that thoughtful reasoning brings.

Overthinking can look like:

Analyzing every interaction or event endlessly
Ruminating on past events, replaying mistakes or regrets instead of feeling the present.
- E.g, replaying a breakup conversation in your head for the tenth time, dissecting every word instead of noticing the sadness and loss in your body or thinking over and over about a joke you made last week that didn’t land, analyzing how people might have judged you instead of acknowledging your current shame.
Focusing on facts instead of sensations
- Intellectualizing emotional experiences instead of acknowledging bodily or heart-level responses. (e.g., After an argument with a friend, instead of feeling the hurt or anger, you jump into analysis: "We just have different communication styles; it’s probably a personality mismatch.".)

Constantly explaining why you feel a certain way
Judging your emotions as “irrational” or “wrong”
Over-preparing, “mental rehearsing,” or catastrophizing future scenarios.
Explaining away or judging emotions as “illogical,” “weak,” or “unnecessary.”
Rationalizing (e.g, you might feel hurt when a friend forgets your birthday but think, “It’s fine, they’re just busy, birthdays aren’t that important anyway.” This kind of reasoning can soften the sting, but it also hides the real emotion that needs attention.)

Signs Logic Is Blocking Your Emotions

You might be overthinking if you notice:

You can explain a situation in detail but can’t describe how it made you feel.
Your body feels tense, restless, or numb while your mind races.
You habitually rationalize or minimize your emotions (“I shouldn’t feel angry”).
You feel stuck, confused, or overwhelmed without understanding why.

Recognizing these signs is the first step toward reconnecting with your feelings.

The Hidden Cost of Overthinking

Logic can be helpful, but when it dominates:

You may become detached from your needs, acting out of duty rather than authentic desire.
Feeling disconnected from your own life: You might achieve goals but feel oddly like a bystander in your own story as if you’re doing things because they make sense on paper, but not because they matter deeply to you.
Relationships may suffer because your emotional responses feel flat or delayed. Over-reliance on rational thinking can make you seem emotionally distant or slow to respond to others’ feelings. Not because you don’t care, but because you’re busy analyzing instead of feeling in the moment.
You may feel stuck in cycles of rumination, anxiety, or sadness.
- Emotional backlog unprocessed feelings stack up under the surface, eventually spilling out in intense or “out of proportion” reactions.

You may have weaker self-awareness - you lose touch with what you truly value or want. Self-awareness also suffers. When you tune out your emotional signals, it’s harder to recognize what you value, what boundaries you need, or what actually fulfills you. You might achieve your goals yet feel strangely unfulfilled, because they weren’t aligned with your deeper wants or needs.
- Emotional blurring - feelings lose their distinctness, showing up as vague tension, restlessness, or numbness rather
Chronic stress in the body: Emotions that aren’t processed don’t disappear . They often get stored physically, leading to tension headaches, digestive issues, shallow breathing, or muscle tightness.

Emotion and cognition are meant to work together. Your goal isn’t to suppress thinking but to balance it so your emotions can guide decisions and inform actions. Now, lets move to another part - how to connect with your emotions.

How to Let Emotions Speak First

Reclaiming your emotional awareness starts with grounding yourself in the present. Before diving into your feelings, slow down your mind by taking several deep, deliberate breaths. Notice your body your feet on the floor, your hands resting in your lap and scan for sensations like a tight chest, fluttering stomach, or tense shoulders. Your body often experiences emotions before your mind catches up, and grounding helps bring your attention to these early signals.

Once grounded, the next step is to observe without judgment. Ask yourself, “What am I feeling right now?” and “Where do I feel it in my body?” Focus on raw sensations first, without labeling them as “good” or “bad.” Even simply acknowledging, “This is what I feel,” is a powerful way to validate your internal experience.

It’s also important to distinguish emotion from thought. Overthinking can blur the line between what you feel and the stories you tell yourself. For example, the thought “They must be upset with me” is different from the feeling “I feel anxious, heavy, and tight in my chest.” Naming the feeling first helps clarify your internal experience and prevents logic from hijacking emotional awareness.

After identifying the feeling, try to uncover its message. Emotions carry vital information about your needs and values. Ask yourself, “What need is this emotion pointing to?” or “What value is being highlighted?” For example, anxiety might signal a need for safety or preparation, sadness can indicate a need for care or connection, and anger often points to a need for respect, fairness, or boundaries. Recognizing these messages transforms emotions from “problems” into valuable guides for action.

Expression is the next step. Honoring your emotions through safe expression strengthens awareness and reduces suppression. Speak with a trusted friend or therapist, journal freely without filtering, or engage in movement, music, or art that reflects your inner state. Expression doesn’t mean acting impulsively it means acknowledging your feelings while choosing safe, constructive ways to respond.

Finally, take time to reflect and integrate what you’ve noticed. After naming and expressing emotions, notice how it feels simply to acknowledge them without rushing to “fix” or change them. Ask yourself, “What did this emotion teach me about my needs, values, or priorities?” For instance, frustration after a team meeting might reveal a need for your contributions to be heard, prompting you to request clearer turn-taking. Loneliness on a quiet Sunday might highlight a value for connection, inspiring you to arrange a coffee with a friend. Anxiety before a big presentation could point to a need for preparation and reassurance, leading you to rehearse with a trusted colleague. Guilt after snapping at a partner might uncover a value for kindness and respect, encouraging you to apologize and repair the moment. By responding to these messages with small, intentional steps, you allow your logic and emotions to collaborate, leading to wiser, more grounded choices rooted in both thought and feeling.

Advanced Tips

Body Mapping. Close your eyes and trace where you feel sensations. Sometimes the body feels emotions before the mind can name them. You might notice a tight jaw, a knot in your stomach, or a sense of heaviness. Even if you can’t label the feeling, simply noticing the sensation is progress. Label them: “warmth,” “tightness,” “pressure.” This helps bypass overthinking.
Start with tiny windows of awareness: Even noticing a subtle shift like a fleeting warmth in your chest or a small tightening in your shoulders counts. Small sensations are the gateway to fuller emotional experience.
Label general states first: Instead of trying to name precise feelings, start with broad categories like “uncomfortable,” “heavy,” or “nervous.” Refinement can come later.
Emotion Journaling Prompts
- “What am I feeling beneath my thoughts?”
- “If this feeling had a message, what would it say?”
- “What action would honor this emotion?”
Dialogue With Your Emotion - Ask an emotion (e.g., sadness) questions: “Why are you here? What do you need from me?” This encourages curiosity and reduces judgment.
Micro-Moments - Practice pausing before reacting in daily life. Notice the first feeling impulse before thinking about what to say or do.
Anchor in small, safe moments. Instead of starting with big, painful memories, practice noticing feelings during everyday experiences- like warmth from a kind text or mild frustration in traffic.
Give yourself permission to go slowly. Emotional awareness is a muscle; if it hasn’t been used in a while, it needs gentle, repeated exercise, not force.
Externalize your feelings: Sometimes it’s easier to access emotions indirectly, by listening to music, looking at art, or reading stories that resonate with you. These can activate emotional circuits safely.
Seek a safe witness. Sometimes emotions are easier to find in the presence of someone who will not judge, rush, or fix: like a trusted friend, partner, or therapist.

Real-Life Examples of Letting Emotions Speak First

A Difficult Conversation

You had a tense discussion:
Overthinking approach:

“Did I say the wrong thing? Maybe they’re upset. I shouldn’t feel hurt; I need to be rational.”

Emotion-first approach: 1. Pause and notice your body tension. 2. Identify your feelings: “I feel hurt and anxious.”. Maybe there is subtle feelings, like disappointment, fear of rejection, or frustration. You might feel tightness in your chest, tension in your shoulders and neck etc. 3. Discover the need: “I want understanding and connection.” You might want to feel that you’re still on the same side, that your words are truly heard and not misunderstood. You might want reassurance that this moment of tension doesn’t threaten the trust between you. You might need to know the bond is intact, that you matter to them as much as they matter to you, and that your differences can be navigated without losing closeness. 4. Express safely: you might choose to write down your feelings or speak with a trusted friend. You may also move your body to release tension. 5. Reflect: “Acknowledging my feelings helped me feel more grounded and clear about next steps.”. Ask yourself: “What did this emotion reveal about my needs, values, or priorities?”. Notice any insights about how you want to respond or set boundaries moving forward. Reflect on patterns you may see perhaps certain triggers consistently provoke similar feelings and think about small, intentional steps you can take next. You might choose to send a short, honest message to the person explaining how you felt during the conversation and requesting a follow-up discussion to clarify misunderstandings, or decide to take a brief pause before responding in future tense moments to avoid reacting from frustration. Outcome: You respond authentically, rather than reacting from fear or over-analysis.

Stress About Work Deadlines

You have a looming deadline, and your mind is racing with tasks:
Overthinking approach:

“I need to finish everything perfectly. I can’t afford to feel stressed. I’ll just push through.”

Emotion-first approach: 1. Pause and notice tension in your chest and shoulders. 2. Identify feelings: “I feel overwhelmed and anxious.”. Pause and notice the tension in your chest, shoulders, and jaw. Maybe there’s a tight knot in your stomach, shallow breathing, or a restlessness in your legs. Subtle feelings might include worry, self-doubt, frustration, or fear of disappointing others. 3. Discover the need: “I need support and realistic pacing.”. You might want reassurance that it’s acceptable to ask for help, or a clear plan to break the workload into manageable steps. You might need permission to set boundaries, prioritize tasks, and recognize that perfection is not always necessary. You might want to feel competent and capable without sacrificing your well-being. 4. Express safely: you could share your workload concerns with a manager or teammate, or speak honestly with a trusted colleague about how the deadline is affecting you. You might also choose to step away for a few mindful minutes stretching, walking, or doing a grounding exercise to release tension and reset your focus. 5. Reflect: “By noticing my emotions, I could adjust my plan rather than just overworking.”. Ask yourself: “What did this anxiety reveal about my priorities, limits, and values?”. Notice patterns perhaps certain tasks, workload volume, or perfectionistic tendencies consistently provoke similar stress. Identify small, intentional steps: breaking tasks into realistic chunks, delegating responsibilities, scheduling micro-breaks, or setting clear boundaries for work hours. These steps help you respond intentionally rather than reacting automatically to stress. Outcome: You prevent burnout while respecting your emotional state.

Feeling Irritated With a Partner

Your partner forgets an important task:
Overthinking approach:

“Why does this always happen? I shouldn’t feel annoyed. I’ll just be quiet and let it go.”

Emotion-first approach: 1. Pause and notice bodily reactions: tight jaw, flushed face. 2. Identify feelings: “I feel irritated and disappointed.”. Perhaps you are also feeling unappreciated, overlooked, or anxious that this pattern might repeat. Pause and notice bodily reactions: perhaps a tight jaw, flushed face, tension in your shoulders, or shallow breathing. You might feel a flutter in your stomach, a sense of impatience, or subtle frustration building beneath the surface. 3. Discover the need: “I want reliability and consideration.”. You might want to feel that your partner is attentive, follows through on commitments, and respects your time and priorities. You might need reassurance that your concerns are heard and that both of you are aligned as a team. You may also want the confidence that small oversights won’t undermine your trust or closeness, and that differences can be addressed without conflict escalating. 4. Express safely: you might choose to calmly explain your feelings in the moment, using “I” statements, such as: “I felt disappointed when the task was forgotten because it’s important to me that we both stay on top of our responsibilities.” You could also jot down your emotions first to clarify your thoughts, or talk with a supportive friend to process before engaging. Physical release, such as a short walk or gentle stretching, can help reduce tension before speaking. Expressing safely means communicating your needs without blaming or attacking, while remaining present and intentional. 5. Reflect: “I honored my feelings without blaming, and the conversation improved our understanding.” Ask yourself: “What did my irritation reveal about my values, expectations, and boundaries?” Notice recurring patterns maybe certain types of tasks trigger similar emotions and consider small, intentional steps: setting clearer reminders, negotiating shared responsibilities, or taking a brief pause before responding to prevent reactive frustration. Outcome: By recognizing and expressing your emotions constructively, you prevent resentment, foster understanding, and strengthen your bond. You respond authentically, rather than reacting from irritation or frustration, turning potential conflict into an opportunity for deeper connection.

Coping With Sadness After a Loss

You experience grief after losing a loved one:
Overthinking approach:

“I should be over this by now. I need to stay strong. I can’t cry in front of others.”

Emotion-first approach: 1. Pause and notice heaviness in your chest and a lump in your throat. 2. Identify feelings: “I feel deep sadness and longing.”. Maybe there is also layered emotions: sorrow, missing the person, maybe regret, or even moments of guilt for feeling anger or relief. Pause and notice bodily reactions: perhaps a heaviness in your chest, a lump in your throat, tightness in your shoulders, shallow or irregular breathing, or an overall sense of fatigue and emptiness. You might feel subtle undercurrents like longing, helplessness, or vulnerability that you tend to dismiss. 3. Discover the need: “I need comfort, connection, and time to process.”. You might want to feel supported, heard, and emotionally safe. You might need reassurance that your grief is valid, that it’s okay to take time, and that you don’t have to mask or minimize your emotions for the sake of others. You may also need space to remember and honor the person lost while still caring for your own well-being. 4. Express safely: cry privately or share feelings with a support group. Sharing your feelings with a trusted friend, family member, therapist, or support group can provide a sense of connection and understanding. Journaling your thoughts and memories, creating rituals to honor the loved one, or engaging in gentle movement like a walk or yoga can also help release tension and integrate feelings safely. The key is to find a way to express grief without judgment or self-repression. 5. Reflect: “Acknowledging my grief allowed me to heal gradually instead of bottling it up.”. Notice patterns in how you cope perhaps certain triggers bring intense waves of grief and consider small, intentional steps: scheduling time for remembrance, checking in with supportive friends, or taking restorative breaks to nurture yourself. Reflection helps you integrate your emotions into your life meaningfully while maintaining self-care. Outcome: Emotional processing fosters resilience and self-compassion.

Anxiety About Social Events

You’re invited to a party but feel hesitant:
Overthinking approach:

“I’ll be awkward; people won’t like me. I shouldn’t feel anxious; I should just go.”

Emotion-first approach:

Pause and notice racing heart and tense stomach.
Identify feelings: “I feel anxious and self-conscious.”
Discover the need: “I need safety, reassurance, and comfort.”
Express safely: discuss worries with a friend, or plan small steps like arriving early.
Reflect: “I honored my anxiety, which helped me attend more confidently rather than forcing myself blindly.”

Outcome: Emotions guide preparation and self-care rather than being ignored or suppressed.

Everyday Frustration

You spill coffee on your papers:
Overthinking approach:

“Why do I always mess up? I shouldn’t feel upset over this. I need to stay logical.”

Emotion-first approach:

Pause and notice tension and quickened breath.
Identify feelings: “I feel frustrated and irritated.”
Discover the need: “I want patience and calm.”
Express safely: take a deep breath, clean up calmly, and acknowledge the moment.
Reflect: “By noticing my frustration, I avoided escalating into anger and stayed composed.”

Outcome: Emotional awareness prevents overreaction to minor triggers.

The Takeaway

Logic is powerful but when it dominates, it can mute the signals that guide your life. Emotions aren’t obstacles to rationalize away; they’re messengers pointing to your needs, values, and priorities.

All information in this section is based on:

Greenberg, L. S. (2002). A Primer for Emotionally Focused Individual Therapy. New York: Guilford Press.
Greenberg, L. S., & Watson, J. (2005). Emotion-Focused Therapy for Depression. Washington, DC: American Psychological Association.

Do you feel like you need more help? I help clients reconnect with their emotions, balance thinking and feeling, and develop strategies for emotional awareness and resilience. I offer individual sessions both online and in-person in Eindhoven and Veldhoven.