Schema therapy in Eindhoven, Veldhoven & Online

About Schema therapy:

Schema therapy can help you understand patterns that have developed over time and may still affect the way you think, feel, and relate to others. These patterns often come from our earlier experiences and can shape how we respond to situations in our lives today. We then work on finding new, healthier ways of dealing with difficult thoughts, feelings, and situations. Schema therapy is a long-term therapeutic approach, typically requiring a minimum of 20 to 40 sessions.

Origin of schemas:

The idea behind schema therapy is that our early experiences can shape the way we see ourselves, other people, and the world around us. Over time, we can develop patterns of thinking and behaving that stay with us and can be difficult to change. These patterns can sometimes affect our relationships, work, and the way we deal with everyday situations.

Basic needs:

Growing up, we all need certain things from the people around us. We need to feel safe, cared for, understood, and supported. When we don’t get these things consistently, it can affect us in ways that we may not fully understand until we’re older. Schema therapy helps us look at these early experiences and understand how they might still be affecting you today. For example:

Feeling safe and knowing you can trust people: If you didn’t always feel safe, loved, or cared for growing up, you might worry that people will leave you or let you down. You may find it hard to trust others or feel comfortable getting close to someone.
Feeling confident in yourself: If you weren’t given much opportunity to make your own choices or try things for yourself, you might have learned to doubt yourself. You may often look to others for reassurance or feel that you can’t manage things on your own, even when you can.
Knowing what’s okay and where the limits are: Growing up, we need adults to set clear and fair boundaries. If this was missing, you might find it harder to manage other peoples boundaries, or stop yourself from acting on an impulse.
Being able to say what you feel and need: If you learned that keeping other people happy was more important than saying what you really felt, you might still put other people first. You may find yourself saying yes when you really mean no, avoiding conflict, or finding it difficult to ask for what you need.
Having space to have fun and be yourself: If you grew up feeling that you always had to be responsible, serious, or get things right, it can be difficult to switch off. You might put a lot of pressure on yourself, worry about making mistakes, or feel uncomfortable when you’re simply trying to relax and enjoy yourself.

BASIC NEEDS

Safety & Nurturance

if not adequately met

Maladaptive schemas. Disconnection and Rejection. Change your schemas now! Psychologist Veldhoven

Maladaptive schemas. Impaired Autonomy and Perfomance. Change your schemas now! Psychologist Veldhoven

Autonomy, Competence, Identity

if not adequately met

Maladaptive schemas. Impaired Limits. Change your schemas now! Psychologist Veldhoven

Realistic Limits and Self-Control

if not adequately met

Freedom to Express Needs
Opinions and Emotions

if not adequately met

Maladaptive schemas. Other Directedness. Change your schemas now! Psychologist Veldhoven

Play and Spontaneity

if not adequately met

Maladaptive schemas. Overvigilance and Inhibition. Change your schemas now! Psychologist Veldhoven

Schemas are patterns we pick up as we grow up. They can shape how we see ourselves, other people, and the world around us. Some of these patterns are helpful, while others can make things harder for us. In schema therapy, we take a closer look at these patterns and how they show up in your life today. Together, we try to understand where they came from and find different ways of thinking and responding that work better for you.

Illustration of schemas:

Schema therapy process:

Firstly, we will try to identify your core beliefs, negative schemas, and maladaptive coping strategies.
Then, I will help you to understand the origin and impact of these schemas on your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.
Then, we will be working together to develop strategies to overcome the negative schemas and develop more positive coping strategies. This may involve a combination of cognitive and behavioral interventions, such as:

cognitive restructuring (identifying and changing negative or distorted thought patterns)
experiential techniques (e.g., role playing- imagery rescripting)
use of visualization to reframe past negative experiences in a more positive light. You will be guided to imagine a different outcome to the negative experience and rehearse this new scenario repeatedly until it becomes more natural and automatic.),
behavioral experiments (testing negative beliefs or assumptions by engaging in behaviors that challenge them).

We will also focus on identifying and addressing problematic interpersonal patterns and developing more effective communication and relationship skills.

Schema coping styles:

Schema Therapy Coping Styles. Surrender giving into schema. Psychologist Veldhoven

Schema Therapy Coping Styles. Avoidance. Attempting to live without triggering the schema. Psychologist Veldhoven

Schema Therapy Coping Styles. Overcompensation. Fighting by acting oppositing to the schema.. Psychologist Veldhoven

Coping styles refer strategies to deal with schemas. These 3 coping styles can perpetuate negative effects of schemas. Schema therapy aims to help individuals recognize and modify their maladaptive coping styles, encouraging the development of healthier and more adaptive coping.

Modes are the different ways we can feel and react in a situation. You might feel calm one moment and then suddenly feel hurt, angry, anxious, or want to pull away. Sometimes, something happening now can bring up feelings from the past.Schemas are deeper patterns that develop over time. Modes are the way these patterns can show up in the moment.

For example, imagine you send someone a message and they don’t reply for a few hours. You might start thinking, “Have I done something wrong?” or “Maybe they don’t want to talk to me.” You may feel worried or rejected and want some reassurance. This is sometimes called the Vulnerable Child Mode.

You might also become angry when you feel criticised. For example, someone gives you feedback at work. You may take it personally, become defensive, or feel like arguing back. This is called the Angry Child Mode.

Sometimes, the criticism comes from inside. You make a small mistake and think, “I’m so stupid,” or “I should have done better.” You might feel that you always have to do more or that you’re not allowed to make mistakes. This is sometimes called a Parent Mode (inner critic).

Other times, you might just want to switch off. After an argument, you might avoid the person, keep yourself busy, scroll on your phone, or not want to talk about it. You may feel numb or disconnected. This is often called the Detached Protector Mode.

These reactions usually developed as ways of dealing with difficult feelings or experiences. They may have helped you at some point, even if they cause problems now. There is nothing wrong with you for having them.

In schema therapy, we learn to notice these patterns and understand what is happening underneath them. We can then work on strengthening Healthy Adult Mode.

HEALTHY ADULT MODES

Healhy Adult

Balanced, rational, and mature aspect of the self that can problem-solve, make decisions, and engage in healthy relationships. Oversees and regulates all other modes

Emotionally Connected Adult

Acknowledges, tolerates, expresses and tolerates pleasant and unpleasant emotions while nurturing inner child needs.

Reality-Oriented & Reflective Adult

Reality-Oriented and Reflective Adult.jpg

Balanced and rational, perceives situations clearly, accepts reality as it is, and approaches challenges through thoughtful analysis, evidence-based judgment, and effective problem-solving

Effective & Functional Adult

Action-oriented self that makes thoughtful decisions, balances impulses, and takes practical steps to support long-term well-being and personal growth.

Happy Child

Joyful, playful, and spontaneous aspect of the self that experiences positive emotions and seeks pleasure.

HEALTHY CHILD MODES

Indulgent Parent

Offers excessive leniency, approval, or rewards, prioritizing immediate comfort or pleasure over boundaries, discipline, or long-term well-being.

Indulgent Parent

Offers excessive leniency, approval, or rewards, prioritizing immediate comfort or pleasure over boundaries, discipline, or long-term well-being.

Naive Parent

Adopts a simplistic, unquestioning, or overly trusting stance, offering guidance or rules without critical thought, often reflecting an undeveloped or unreflective approach to responsibility and care.

INNER CRITICS

Unrealistically high standards, feeling of inadequacy or failure when those standards are not met.

Demanding Critic

Punitive critic

Harsh self-criticism, shame, self-hatred, self-punishment for perceived flaws or mistakes; feeling unworthy of love.

Guilt inducing Critic

Shames or blames the self for mistakes, instilling guilt and obligation to meet others’ expectations or avoid disapproval.

Invalidating Critic

Harsh inner voice that dismisses or devalues one’s feelings and needs, promoting self-doubt, and emotional suppression.

VULNERABLE CHILD MODES

Feels deeply embarrassed, unworthy, or exposed in the present, experiencing intense shame, self-criticism, and emotional pain when core needs for respect, dignity, and acceptance are unmet.

Terrified Child

Feels intense fear, panic, or helplessness in the present, experiencing overwhelming anxiety and a sense of danger when safety, protection, or emotional security is threatened.

Abused Child

Fear and mistrust; shame, sense of being harmed, exploited, or degraded; belief that the world is dangerous

Abandoned Child

Intense fear of being left alone or unloved, clingy or desperate behavior, feelings of emptiness and insecurity, sense of rejection, and emotional deprivation

Lonely Child

Deep sense of isolation, and loneliness, yearning for connection, sadness and withdrawal when needs for closeness are unmet; Feeling unseen, or emotionally neglected

Rejected Child

Feels unwanted, unworthy, or unlovable experiencing shame, hurt, and emotional pain when core needs for acceptance, validation, and belonging are unmet.

Humiliated/ Shamed Child

Desperate Child

Feels desperate because of the intensity of the pain of basic needs not being met. The pain is experienced as unbearable and there is little or no expectation that those needs can be met or that the pain will end.

Dependent Child

Helplessness and an over-reliance on others for guidance and support; sense of vulnerability and inadequacy

ANGRY UNSOCIALIZED CHILD MODES

Angry Child

Emotional state marked by irritation, frustration, or resentment when needs are unmet, expressing anger in a raw, childlike way.

Defiant Child

Enraged Child

Reacts with anger and resistance when autonomy is restricted or one is told what to do, often expressing defiance through statements like, “I don’t want to, and you can’t make me!”

Overwhelming fury and aggression in response to perceived injustice or unmet needs; may lash out impulsively or intensely.

Impulsive Child

Acts on immediate desires without self-control or regard for consequences, driven by urges and impatience, often expressing itself as, “I want it and I want it now!”

Undisciplined Child

Difficulty with self-control and persistence; avoidance of responsibility and pursuit of immediate gratification.

Spoiled/Entitled Child

Expects to get what it wants without effort or consideration for others, resisting self-control and prioritizing personal desires over the needs and feelings of those around them.

COPING MODES

AVOIDANT

Detached protector

Emotional numbing and withdrawal to avoid pain or vulnerability- "shutting down"

Spaced out Protector

Avoidant protector

Evading uncomfortable situations, challenges, people, or feelings to avoid discomfort, fear, hurt or anxiety

Detached self-soother

Using distractions or self-soothing behaviors (e.g., substance use, overeating) to escape emotional distress

Deceptive Protector

Copes with distress by shutting down, feeling numb, foggy, or unreal, and disconnecting from overwhelming emotions.

Avoids full honesty, using lies or half-truths to protect against blame, shame, or criticism.

When things feel difficult, we all have ways of dealing with them. Sometimes we give in, avoid things, shut down, or try to stay in control. In schema therapy, we call these coping modes.

For example, you might say yes when you really want to say no. Maybe someone asks you for a favour and you agree, even though you’re already tired or have other things to do. You might worry about disappointing them or making them unhappy. This is sometimes called Compliant Surrender.

Sometimes, you might just want to switch off. You could spend the evening watching TV, scrolling on your phone, keeping yourself busy, or avoiding a conversation you know you need to have. It can be a way of not having to deal with difficult feelings. This is sometimes called the Detached Protector Mode.

Another way of coping is trying to keep everything under control. You might check your work again and again, worry about making mistakes, or feel like you have to get everything right. You may find it hard to relax because there is always something else you feel you should be doing. This is sometimes called the Perfectionistic Overcontroller Mode.

COPING MODES

Surrender

Compliant Surrenderer

Passively submitting to others' demands (pleasing people) to avoid conflict, even at the cost of one's own needs and desires

Approval Seeker/ People Pleaser

Excessive focus on gaining acceptance and validation from others, suppressing personal needs and authenticity to avoid rejection or disapproval.

Hopeless/ Pessimistic surrenderer

Giving in to negative beliefs and expecting disappointment. Withdrawing, feeling powerless, “surrendering” to schemas like Defectiveness or Failure.

Self-pity/ Victim

Feels helpless and perceives itself as a victim of circumstances or others, responding with self-pity and passively awaiting rescue while often resisting help or suggestions.

Self-Sacrificer/ Rescuer

Prioritizes others’ needs over its own, often going out of its way to help or protect those perceived as vulnerable, while neglecting personal well-being.

COPING MODES

Overcompensatory

Social Overcompensator

Presents a cheerful, friendly, or happy façade to others, hiding genuine feelings and minimizing problems, often to gain approval or avoid showing vulnerability.

Overoptimistic

Excessively positive to avoid acknowledging problems or negative emotions.

Strong & Independent Overcompensator

Overly self-reliant and emotionally detached stance that avoids vulnerability or dependence on others, driven by fear of rejection, control, or disappointment.

Comic Protector

Uses humor, jokes, or laughter to avoid or deflect from sensitive emotions, uncomfortable topics, or feelings that arise in conversation.

Detached Self-Stimulator

Seeks excitement and stimulation through risky or thrilling activities such as gambling, extreme sports, or promiscuous behavior as a way to distract from or mask underlying emptiness.

COPING MODES

Attachment-seeking Overcompensators

Attention and Admiration Seeker

Craves validation and recognition, using dramatic, exaggerated, or attention-grabbing behavior including charm or seductiveness to gain approval and admiration from others.

Hypervigilant Clinger

Becomes anxious and desperate at the thought of separation, clinging to others or trying to prolong contact to avoid feelings of abandonment and loss.

Care-seeking Overcompensator

Uses helplessness, or illness to elicit care and attention from others, appearing needy while subtly pressuring or manipulating others to provide support or protection.

COPING MODES

Overcompensatory- Overcontrollers

Perfectionistic Overcontroller

Strives for flawlessness and high achievement to gain a sense of control, safety, and approval, often using perfectionism to avoid criticism, failure, or misfortune.

Suspicious Overcontroller

Hypervigilant, suspicious and distrustful of others, often believing that people are out to harm, deceive, or exploit them

Sometimes, instead of withdrawing or collapsing into sadness, the mind tries to protect itself through strength and anger. The Angry Protector Mode can be activated when vulnerability feels too threatening when showing sadness, fear, or need seems unsafe. In this state, anger becomes a shield, helping us feel powerful or in control when we actually feel hurt underneath. In a more extreme form, this defense can turn outward in the Bully and Attack Mode, where we might put others down, criticize, or dominate to avoid feeling small or exposed. Both modes are protective reactions ways of keeping emotional pain at a distance by turning it into anger or control.

Each of these modes has its own logic each one developed to protect us in some way. But what helped us survive emotionally as children often limits us as adults. The goal in Schema Therapy is to start recognizing these modes in real time, understanding what need they are trying to meet, and gradually allowing our Healthy Adult Mode to take the lead the part of us that can soothe, think clearly, and respond with balance and compassion rather than old patterns.

Bully & Attack

Aggressively intimidates or dominates others to protect themselves from feeling vulnerable or weak

Using complaining or blaming others as a way of distancing oneself from their core emotional pain

Complaining/ Blaming Protector

Endures suffering and self-denial to gain a sense of worth or moral superiority, often prioritizing others’ needs while neglecting its own and feeling unappreciated or victimized in the process.

Martyr

Self-Aggrandizer

Seeks to feel superior, important, or entitled, often by boasting, demanding admiration, or dismissing others as inferior to boost their own self-esteem

COPING MODES

Externalizing overcompensators

Seeks control by issuing orders and using criticism or belittling remarks to dominate others and enforce compliance.

Scolding Overcontroller

Angry Protector

Using anger, hostility, or withdrawal to avoid feeling underlying pain, shame, fear, or unmet needs.

Rebel

Conning & Manipulation

Prides itself on defiance and nonconformity, masking underlying frustration or unmet needs for autonomy.

Deceives, exploits, tricks or manipulates others to achieve their own goals and avoid feeling powerless or inferior

Cold, calculated behavior intended to dominate, harm, or exploit others for personal gain, feelings of superiority and control, with little regard for others feelings.

Predator

REPETITIVE UNPRODUCTIVE THINKING MODES

Pessimistic/ Depressive Ruminator

Obsessively dwells on defeat, failure, and hopelessness, focusing on perceived flaws, rejection, or inadequacy, which deepens sadness and reinforces negative self-beliefs.

Worrying Overcontroller

Obsessively anticipates problems and doubts its ability to cope, using constant worrying to feel prepared while fueling chronic anxiety.

Overanalyzer

Obsessively rethinks past actions and motives, briefly easing self-doubt but perpetuating ongoing rumination.

Escapes into grandiose fantasies of love, success, or fame, using daydreaming to soothe unmet needs without taking real-world action.

Overcompensatory Daydreamer

Angry Ruminator

Repeatedly dwells on perceived mistreatment, injustice, or betrayal, rehearsing anger and speculating about others’ motives without directly expressing it.

Vengeful Ruminator

Repeatedly dwells on revenge, rehearsing fantasies of retaliation against those perceived as having caused harm, which reinforces distress and perpetuates psychological difficulties.

Flagellating Overcontroller

Harshly attacks and shames itself, redirecting anger inward as a cruel form of self-motivation, often repeating harmful ruminations rather than expressing anger toward those who caused the original hurt.

Reference, modes and descriptions from: Edwards, D. J. A. (2022). Using Schema Modes for Case Conceptualization in Schema Therapy: An Applied Clinical Approach. Frontiers in Psychology, 12, Article 763670. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2021.763670

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